When's the last time you had an open and honest conversation with someone (other than your partner or a Doctor!) about sex? When's the last time you spoke freely with a friend about the joys you were experiencing in the bedroom? Or the challenges you were working through? Or how connected you were feeling to your yoni (the sanskrit name for the female genitalia that means 'sacred space')?
Just like the menstrual cycle, which I wrote about last week, speaking openly about sex is often seen as being taboo in our culture. It's seen as being something that should only be spoken about with the person you're having it with, or a medical professional, and only ever behind closed doors.
This bothers me for a few reasons:
- Firstly, everyone has sex (well, most people) and it seems ABSURD to me that a natural act that almost everyone experiences is kept hush hush (much like the menstrual cycle!)
- There's many women and men who experience challenges in the bedroom (I myself have, and I have no shame in sharing this!) The issue with society keeping something locked away in a (metaphorical) closet and not speaking about it is that people then keep their challenges to themselves. This results in them feeling like something is wrong with them (because if no-one's speaking about it then they must be the only one, right?! WRONG!), creates unnecessary shame and prevents them from sharing and seeking support
- Sex is a beautiful tool for growth. Much like all the tools I keep in my toolkit (like this one and this one), I see sex as being a tool that can help us learn so much about ourselves - how healthy our relationship with our Self and our bodies is; how comfortable we feel being vulnerable with others; what our fears are; how we like to experience pleasure ... etc. etc. etc.
If you're a regular in this space, you'll know that personal and spiritual growth are what I live for. My days are spent balancing accepting and loving where I'm at and, on the flip side of this, shining a beautiful spotlight on my shadows so that I can continuously evolve and grow into the person I know I was put here on Earth to be.
And sex is a tool that plays a huge part in my personal and spiritual growth. For me, sex gifts me much of what my yoga mat does ...
Sex requires me to be:
It gifts me feelings of:
When done consensually, safely and with someone you trust and have a connection with, sex truly does has the power to transform you.
If you feel stuck or inhibited around your relationship with sex I encourage you to consider the following (you may like to get your journal out!):
- Where do your beliefs about sex come from?
- Was sex something that was openly spoken about in your household when you were growing up?
- What impact do you think the media has on your relationship with sex?
- What impact do you think your constriction around sex has on the way you relate to your sexual partners?
- What three small acts could you do to help heal your relationship with sex? For example, daily gratitudes towards yourself, looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you are beautiful, starting a self pleasure practice so you can have more of an understanding of your body and how you get turned on, or starting a meditation practice that will help you get out of your head and into your heart space.
If you have any questions about how you could work towards healing your relationship with sex, I'd love for you to reach out. Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I'd be honoured to serve you.
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